Base for this blog is chat with my DIP buddy within
which I had a chain reaction, thus I'm writing it out
I forgive
myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to realize that if I myself or
boss or other defines me as inferior – is that in all cases MCS work. Hmmmm,
the first associations on inferiority are un-willingness &
un-responsibility… -- I see myself as inferior when I know that I haven’t given
enough / my best and when I know that I’ve chosen ignorance instead of
responsibility… (or when other / me as MCS are more persuasive then common
sense).
Thus direct
solution is to give the best of me all the time. But because I have lived in
opposite habit for most of my life, transition – change will take some time. Meanwhile
I will look at the feeling of inferiority as fast as I can, I will forgive it
and I will immediately do or at least put in plan what I should have already
done / how should it be done…
I forgive
myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at my buddy, because she
has told me what is my priority. I realize that I have just said to her ‘’I'm
still working on other stuff; I just don't see that as a priority’’ instead of
explaining to her what exactly am I working on and thus share myself in detail
– which would be base for agreement of my process priority list… I commit
myself to share myself in more details when I see disagreement rising in
company of anger and thus prevent the anger.
I forgive
myself for accepting and allowing myself to be picky and spoiled in relation to
jobs; I have always said that I would never go back on any working place that I
have had before – within some kind of superiority… I realize that I abused that
superiority position with intention to hide feelings of inferiority from myself
-- I have blamed everything else & everybody else how ‘wrong / inappropriate’
it was / they were – thus I didn’t need to look at myself, my mistakes, my
reactions and work through the corrections… I see that I can’t continue like
that if I want to be satisfied and have my inner peace. I realize that I have
to work through all the reaction soon after they occur, otherwise there will be
accumulation and justifications from which I will again create the belief of
how right I am and how wrong they are.
I forgive
myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in hope that I will get a job
where everything will be as it should be – dignified conditions and no braking
rules / exploitation in the name of money. I see that that maybe reality in the
future, but is not often situation in current time. However – that should not
be my excuse for not giving everything that I’m able to give on working place -
on the contrary – I’m the one who is supposed to contribute to change that I would
like to see on working places – with responsibility & self-honesty.
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